Sunday, March 8, 2015

An Interview with Grumwald the Goblin

It dawned on me that Dime Store Novel has a large cast of characters and that it might be fun to spotlight some of the people who make the stories happen. One of them is our friend Grumwald. Grumwald's a little camera shy, being a goblin, so John E. Miller provided us with a sketch of Grumwald.

Mary: Welcome to the blog, Grumwald.

Grumwald: I was promised some of Jesse's golden goodness, and yet my glass is empty.

Mary: We're out of Jesse's rum. Can I get you an iced tea?

Grumwald: A little spirit of the Glen will do then. I prefer Fiddich, but I'll settle for something else.

Mary: Of course. (shouts) Hanover, can you get our friend Grumwald a glass scotch.

Hanover: You never listen, do you Mary? I told you to have a glass of something ready.

Mary: Alright, you were right. I just thought the interview might go better without whiskey.

Hanover: (sets down a glass of scotch in front of Grumwald) You take it up, right?

Grumwald: I talk it any way I can get it. (leans over and whispers to Hanover) She doesn't take after her father much, does she?

Hanover: Be easy on her. She's got her father's genius, but not his fortitude.

Grumwald: (raises his glass and shoots it down). I'd better have another.

(Mary gives Hanover a scornful look.)

Hanover: I'll just leave the bottle.

Grumwald: Good idea. (pours another full glass) Now I'm ready.

Mary: You are in charge of the goblins, is that correct?

Grumwald: In charge of is a strong word. We goblins don't really believe in an authoritarian structure. I am a goblin and I sometimes have to make decisions that involve other goblins, but mostly I'd rather just enjoy life.

Mary: What do you do for enjoyment?

Grumwald: (raises his glass and winks at Mary, then takes a swallow).

Mary: Anything besides drinking?

Grumwald: Dancing is fun. We goblins can take pretty much any shape, you know. Making bets is even more fun.

Mary: Have you ever made a bet you regret?

Grumwald: I think I'll take a fifth on that one.

Mary: Take the fifth?

Grumwald: The fifth, a fifth. You Americans are so picky about language.

Mary: Well, it's just that the expression...

Grumwald: Blah blah blah. Did you invite me here to bicker about American expressions?

Mary: No sir. How would you describe your relationship to the fairies?

Grumwald: I have never had a relationship with a fairy -- maybe a goblin or two in the guise of a fairy, but never a fairy. They think they're too good for a one-legged goblin.

Mary: How did you lose your leg?

Grumwald: I lost it sitting on a bar stool. Truth be told, I could grow it back any time I wanted, but it's too hard to keep track of who's seen me with it and who hasn't. So some years back -- it might have been around the time you were born or maybe a bit after -- I decided to just stop growing one at all.

Mary: Back to the fairies.

Grumwald: You know, if you're so interested in the fairies, maybe you should interview one. I'm sure Hyacinth would love to flutter her wings for you if you give her a bit of honeysuckle wine. Don't stiff her like you tried to do me. (shakes his head and takes a larger sip) I probably shouldn't say this, but I'm glad we didn't end up with you.

Mary: End up with me?

Grumwald: That was the plan. You were a blue baby -- meant for the goblins.

Mary: Don't lie to me, Mr. Grumwald.

Grumwald: Goblins never lie. You're confusing us with the fairies. (picks up the bottle and looks at it) Or humans, perhaps. This bottle might say Glen Fiddich, but this is rail whiskey. Our interview is over, Miss O'Malley. If you want another, you'd best track down Jesse. It'll take a snoot or two of his rum to convince me to come back.

Thursday, March 5, 2015

Swampy Says -- Thankful for Boo

I's been asked to say what I's thankful for. I guess the one thing other'n Agatha, is Boo. Boo's been my right-hand dog for so long it be hard to imagine life without him. So I's gots to thinkin' 'bout the time I met Misha and told her about how me and Boo met. 
Misha looked up and saw a small man standing in the doorway. He wore dungarees over a cotton pajama shirt. His longish hair was sticking out in every direction. “I like dogs. Maybe he can tell.”
“I told her I ain’t decent, but she don’t listen. She’s worse’n a damn fairy. I guess she told you, my name’s Swampy and this here is Boo.” The dog stood up abruptly and charged at Swampy, knocking against his chest. “Down boy. I didn’t say ‘Come’. I’s jes tellin’ the girl your name.” The dog sat and kept his eyes focused on Swampy.
“Is he from Catahoula?” Misha asked.
“He from right here in the swamp. I was out huntin’ gator one day and heard a whinin’ racket you wouldn’t believe. I looked inside the log where it was comin’ from and seen these two eyes glowin’. Well, first I thought it was a baby coon and then out he jumps. No bigger’n this, he was,” Swampy held his hands as if he was encircling a small acorn squash. “I figure we was meant to be together. He gots mixed up eyes just like me, but his are mixed up colors.” Misha looked at the dog’s eyes and noticed one eye was blue and the other brown.
“He’s cute.”
“He’s an ugly cur is what he is, but he earns his keep.” Swampy gave Misha a twisted smile and scratched the dog’s head. “Ever lost a goat in the swamp?”
“We never stayed in one place long enough to raise livestock.”
“Well I raise goats and one gets lost in the swamp, you might as well give it up as gator food. But Boo here rounds ‘em up and brings ‘em home. Pigs too. Hey I’s got some baby pigs, you wanna meet ‘em?”

If I recollect right, I's already told you about Misha meetin' the pigs and I hear one hollerin' now for food, so I'd best go see to it. If y'uns like this story and want to know more 'bout my meetin' up with Misha and all of everything else that went on, you can read Rips in the Weave. It's free for most readers and only 99 cents for Kindle.

A note from Rachelle 
Boo was inspired by @SidTheCatahoula one of @RagabashGirl 's anipal friends on Twitter. Before we met Sid, I had never even heard of the Catahoula breed, but Sid was such a great dog, I thought a Catahoula would be a perfect companion for Swampy. So, I am thankful I got to meet @SidTheCatahoula and for all the pals I've met on Twitter. I don't let @RagabashGirl tweet much these days, but we still think of all of you.

If you want to learn more about Catahoulas, here are some links.
Catahoula Rescue
Catahoula Leopard Dog - Breed History