Sunday, March 8, 2015

An Interview with Grumwald the Goblin

It dawned on me that Dime Store Novel has a large cast of characters and that it might be fun to spotlight some of the people who make the stories happen. One of them is our friend Grumwald. Grumwald's a little camera shy, being a goblin, so John E. Miller provided us with a sketch of Grumwald.

Mary: Welcome to the blog, Grumwald.

Grumwald: I was promised some of Jesse's golden goodness, and yet my glass is empty.

Mary: We're out of Jesse's rum. Can I get you an iced tea?

Grumwald: A little spirit of the Glen will do then. I prefer Fiddich, but I'll settle for something else.

Mary: Of course. (shouts) Hanover, can you get our friend Grumwald a glass scotch.

Hanover: You never listen, do you Mary? I told you to have a glass of something ready.

Mary: Alright, you were right. I just thought the interview might go better without whiskey.

Hanover: (sets down a glass of scotch in front of Grumwald) You take it up, right?

Grumwald: I talk it any way I can get it. (leans over and whispers to Hanover) She doesn't take after her father much, does she?

Hanover: Be easy on her. She's got her father's genius, but not his fortitude.

Grumwald: (raises his glass and shoots it down). I'd better have another.

(Mary gives Hanover a scornful look.)

Hanover: I'll just leave the bottle.

Grumwald: Good idea. (pours another full glass) Now I'm ready.

Mary: You are in charge of the goblins, is that correct?

Grumwald: In charge of is a strong word. We goblins don't really believe in an authoritarian structure. I am a goblin and I sometimes have to make decisions that involve other goblins, but mostly I'd rather just enjoy life.

Mary: What do you do for enjoyment?

Grumwald: (raises his glass and winks at Mary, then takes a swallow).

Mary: Anything besides drinking?

Grumwald: Dancing is fun. We goblins can take pretty much any shape, you know. Making bets is even more fun.

Mary: Have you ever made a bet you regret?

Grumwald: I think I'll take a fifth on that one.

Mary: Take the fifth?

Grumwald: The fifth, a fifth. You Americans are so picky about language.

Mary: Well, it's just that the expression...

Grumwald: Blah blah blah. Did you invite me here to bicker about American expressions?

Mary: No sir. How would you describe your relationship to the fairies?

Grumwald: I have never had a relationship with a fairy -- maybe a goblin or two in the guise of a fairy, but never a fairy. They think they're too good for a one-legged goblin.

Mary: How did you lose your leg?

Grumwald: I lost it sitting on a bar stool. Truth be told, I could grow it back any time I wanted, but it's too hard to keep track of who's seen me with it and who hasn't. So some years back -- it might have been around the time you were born or maybe a bit after -- I decided to just stop growing one at all.

Mary: Back to the fairies.

Grumwald: You know, if you're so interested in the fairies, maybe you should interview one. I'm sure Hyacinth would love to flutter her wings for you if you give her a bit of honeysuckle wine. Don't stiff her like you tried to do me. (shakes his head and takes a larger sip) I probably shouldn't say this, but I'm glad we didn't end up with you.

Mary: End up with me?

Grumwald: That was the plan. You were a blue baby -- meant for the goblins.

Mary: Don't lie to me, Mr. Grumwald.

Grumwald: Goblins never lie. You're confusing us with the fairies. (picks up the bottle and looks at it) Or humans, perhaps. This bottle might say Glen Fiddich, but this is rail whiskey. Our interview is over, Miss O'Malley. If you want another, you'd best track down Jesse. It'll take a snoot or two of his rum to convince me to come back.